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Divorced dads and the shame of being disconnected

On Behalf of | Aug 30, 2018 | Uncategorized

Divorce is difficult for the entire family, but fathers have some particularly thorny issues that others in the family do not face. Mothers are often given the priority in terms of child care, custody and issues related to the children. This makes it tough for fathers to know where their role lies and how they can remain an active part of their children’s lives.

Often, separation can lead to a father not seeing his child for an extended period of time. As one week comes and goes, then one month, then another, it can seem like there is no solution for getting reconnected to children, and a feeling of shame can grow from this distance.

Reasons why fathers stray from seeing their kids

There are many fathers who want to see their children and spend time with them, but factors come into play that prevent this contact. Sometimes, the very reduction in the time a father is able to spend with his children due to the divorce settlement makes the feeling of disconnect worse and prompts a distancing reaction. In this case, it is not necessarily that the father wants to avoid his children but perhaps he is unable to handle the intense emotional impact of the separation from the children and therefore chooses more avoidance on a conscious or unconscious level. This can lead to a divorced father feeling shame and as if he is unable to solve the problem.

Conflict with an ex that leads to distance

Another reason fathers may not see their children as much as they would like is that they are unable to manage the difficulty and conflict that comes from having to deal with their children’s mother, their ex-wife. However, this does not necessarily need to be a barrier to spending time with the kids. Many fathers seek out modifications to the divorce settlement to remedy the situation of not being able to see their children as much as they wish to. 

Feeling shame or embarrassment if you have strayed from your children following your divorce is a common reaction that many divorced fathers share. If you wish to rebuild your connection with your children and seek more visitation time, you can explore the options available to you through a modification to your divorce settlement.


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