In the U.S., more divorces occur in January than in any other month. For some this is due to trying to put on too brave of a face during the holidays. Others ride the “starting over” mentality that happens for many in January. And others choose the month for financial reasons.
Regardless of someone’s reason to file for divorce, moving forward and redefining oneself as a single person can be challenging. This two-part series will tackle some of the challenges that a person might face and how to deal with her new life after divorce, according to a counselor whose advice is featured in The Huffington Post.
When striving to move forward, a person should check her emotions at the door and proceed with a certain about of rationality and even caution. Divorce can leave people with a lot of conflicting feelings, and some may even feel that they didn’t have the opportunity at the end of the marriage to be who they wanted to be. This sort of attitude can make them overly anxious, wanting to make up for lost time. But leaping into too much too soon can be counterproductive. The counselor suggests that a recently divorced person writes down choices she’s considering and letting them sit for a few days before acting on them. Doing so could help keep her from making rash decisions that may result in mistakes such as poor investment choices or a painful rebound relationship.
While it may be tempting to think that divorce means freedom and starting over, the counselor suggests that it can be helpful for someone to remember that she is not the same as she was before her wedding. The years and experience of living through a difficult marriage change a person. In many cases, divorce happens because both parties were at fault in some way, and there can be a certain amount of remorse when a marriage doesn’t last forever. Still, it’s important to forgive oneself for moving on.
This family law discussion will continue in an upcoming post.
The Huffington Post: “The Power of Intentions – Thriving Through Divorce,” Melanie Gorman, Jan. 10, 2012